It's a really bad idea for me to browse the national sheltersite. Really, really bad idea. Found a pair of cats that really seriously would love to have. Bonded pair of two brothers, half siamese from the looks of them. 4 years old, always been indoor cats, AND socialised with dogs.

Seriously ideal. *WIST*

Don't think it's the right time though. It's kind of a scary decision to begin with, getting first own pet as a Real Adult. Still feels like somebody should give me permission or something. Yes, I am planning for a dog, but that would likely be a lengthy process, starting well before pups are even born - so lots of leadup. If I decided to go for these cats, I'd have to make a move within a few days.

Once I graduate there will be a period of unemployment. I'll get income support but it'll still be tight, and I feel worried about taking on cats that I could support if all goes well and they're healthy, but might get into trouble if they need advanced medical care, because I don't know how long that period will be.

But they are so damn ideal, and I want cats SO much. And sometimes it seems like I make way too much worries about something like this and that loads of other people wouldn't hesitate and would make it work out...

Bah

May. 3rd, 2009 07:13 pm
Objectives for today were

- Essay
- Exercise
- Be less crap

I think that'd be a 3-point failure because I still feel absolutely wrung out, like my limbs are wet towels and the air is treacle. Oh yeah, there's treacle in my head too. My stomach is still on the fritz, though I don't know if that is cause or result of feeling this bad. Not even a shower-ending-in-cold could managed to make me feel even remotely energised or active. Dear World, please send new batteries.
There's a song on my playlist that can occasionally just punch me in the gut. It's an old children's song that Flexor recorded for my grandmother. It was her favourite song.. we played this recording at her cremation ceremony in January.
Is it weird to not miss a person as they were last, but as they were years ago? Nana was very ill, I feel it was her time to go.. the person I really miss hadn't existed for a couple of years. I am still so sorry that I never got the chance to show her around on one of the ships I sail on. I still run into things that make me thing "she would have loved this". I still miss hanging out with her.

Not having internet at home is pretty confronting. I feel more alone and removed from my social network. It also hurts even more not to have pets. I still think it's weird that I can crave having a dog, really feel at as a gap in my life, when I've never had one. I better not look if that old Border Collie is still in the shelter, because he probably is, and it's gonna make me cry.

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arwen_lune

July 2011

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