Dec. 4th, 2010 05:06 pm
Oh god, 3 more weeks of darkness even earlier. I'm having such a hard time with it already! However, tonight, since I have nothing better to do, I will get the big box of winter decorations down, and string up lights all over the shop. Which I will probably leave until at least March, if previous years are anything to go by. But hey, it cheers me up.

In other news, I have caught a new cold.. while the previous one wasn't even fully gone yet. *sulk*
What's really not fun: when you back aches so that only a really hot hot water bottle will relieve the pain a little, and it's 30 degrees outside and inside the house.
Picked the framed pair up today and handed in my old frameless pair so they can replace the lenses - I'll get those back on wednesday.

I'm starting to get used to looking through them - the frame is fairly thin so not that bothersome compared to frameless. But every time I look in the mirror I go "Whoa! Glasses!" :-)

They have colouring lenses but it's not been sunny enough to see that effect...
I'm waiting for the shop downstairs to heat up enough that I get warm as well. I've recently discovered that my heating wasn't coming on at all and it was still 24-25 degrees; seems that's a freebie from downstairs. I'm grateful, as it's a much more even heat as when my own heating comes on. And 24-25 is a perfect temp if I'm spending most of the day sitting still working.
Does mean that I'm currently in my 'define interesting' hoodie sweatshirt, with a HWB in my back, and STILL feeling cold in a 20c room. Does that seem right to you?
I have suddenly started coughing with that deep chest cough that feels like I'm trying to choke fire out of my lungs. OW DAMNIT.
Had trouble getting up, didn't get as much done as I should have, raging screaming back pain - urgh.


Sep. 8th, 2009 08:12 pm
This morning I made it to the physio-coached gym session. I took it easy, but I've still been really broken ever since. A nerve in my neck is screaming at me every time I turn my head, and my back feels all sorts of wrong. Urgh.
Discussed with physio the fact that I've never felt anything even remotely like what people describe as an endorphine high. I always just feel tired and achy afterward. Sometimes satisfied and tired and achy though. The best moment about exercise is when you're allowed to stop (I used to describe endurance competitions like that - it feels so great when you get off the horse afterward) but apparently that's not the same as an endorphin high.
  • I stumble into things. I'm not normally clumsy, but on bad braining days, dooropenings move 10cm to the side just when I'm trying to go through, and corners don't want to stay where they were.
  • things people say seem to hold no connection to things going on, or to things they've just said
  • I can't follow conversations. Everything seems like people are just saying random things about (more or less) the same subject
  • I can't have a proper conversation because I lose track of my own thoughts
  • I spend a disturbingly large amount of time staring at things with my mind completely blank
  • Can't... word.. properly...


May. 3rd, 2009 07:13 pm
Objectives for today were

- Essay
- Exercise
- Be less crap

I think that'd be a 3-point failure because I still feel absolutely wrung out, like my limbs are wet towels and the air is treacle. Oh yeah, there's treacle in my head too. My stomach is still on the fritz, though I don't know if that is cause or result of feeling this bad. Not even a shower-ending-in-cold could managed to make me feel even remotely energised or active. Dear World, please send new batteries.


Mar. 12th, 2009 05:27 pm
I had a cold for pretty much all of february. It only left about 10 days ago.

The new cold in town has just moved into my head. It must be a very desirable place with prime view of the countryside and no neural traffic to disturb the discerning cold.


Jan. 26th, 2009 10:25 am
New bed + mattress were very comfortable overnight. It'll be a few more nights before I can definitively judge the rightness of the mattress, but it's looking good so far :-)
Today it's exactly a year ago that I had surgery on my back. Happy birthday, hernia.


Oct. 10th, 2008 10:32 am
I have jobsearch course on thursday, and I found out that there's a direct bus from the bus stations here to the bus stop at the location in Utrecht. It takes 80 minutes, but bus - train - bus takes almost as long. It seemed to me that not having to transfer would save energy, so I brought a small pillow along and tried the bus.

Never... ever.. again. My back was KILLING me (and I stupidly forgot to take painkillers with me)

It still is. Crap.
I'm trying to get my section of this report done before I leave, and...

Well, my brane is mush. I need to write a branche profile of the mobile communications devices branche. I just can't really remember how to do it (and this is BASIC stuff for my study). This is so frustrating, it's like that part of my working memory is buried under a layer of treacle..


Mar. 14th, 2008 01:52 pm

I asked the physio to give me some exercises for the BOSU (see above) as I feel my balance is still off. He gave me some things to do when it's turned right side up (as shown) but I found them heavy on my ankles and feet. So today I tried something different and turned it over. Standing on the hard bottom, the muscles to balance it are higher - stomach, lower back. It's more a core than a leg exercise that way. It's way harder, too.

It was also great fun, like standing on a dinghy and stepping over to another. Next time I'm putting a bunch of them in a row (along the wall) and will practise stepping along :-)
I have come to the conclusion that I am now well enough to be frustrated and depressed about not feeling better. Up until now, I was just glad to be able to do things at all - go to the gym, study a little bit, sit on my horse.

Apparently right now is the stage where I get frustrated about not being able to do those things as well as a year ago. I feel like I am not making progress. My attention span is still shit. Studying is very, very hard. If I go to the dentist in the morning and the physio in the afternoon, that's a full day. While I was in London I was tired almost constantly, and cranky because of it. I rode Rowan today and felt like he was a different horse, like we had no connection. A couple of times I was afraid to fall - and I have never ever been afraid on Rowan before.

I'm lucky that I have a good and involved physio who helps me understand what's going on in a reval process - mostly that hey, you know - it isn't over.

All this time I've seen the surgery as the end of the hernia story - well okay, I knew I'd have a couple of weeks.. months.. building to where I was before. Now it turns out that the surgery was just the start of the second half, and that frustrates me because damnit, that whole 'having your life back' thing was supposed to have happened by now.

The good news is that the physio says it'll happen. I just need to count on another 6 to 8 months..

Active day

Dec. 17th, 2007 02:11 pm
Woke up from a very painful back - had trouble sleeping last night, so maybe I just turned around too often and strained some muscles. (it doesn't fill me with confidence that sleeping can have me in pain..). Had an appt with the physio at 9:15 anyway, and he crunched and massaged and improved things quite a bit. Then I did the crosstrainer for 10 minutes and rowed 2 km.
Then I felt active, so I did the windows in the stairhouse (it was our turn this weekend, but I was on my own. Hopefully I can get the housemates to do the sweeping and mopping, though I don't much feel like being the enforcer)
Then I hung up three posters in the common areas (all LotR, Eline and I figured we had that in common and I still had some from my old room), cleared the table, did the dishes, and cleaned the catbox.
That's a pretty unprecedented spell of activity from me, and all before 2 pm. Now if only I could get the attentionspan to do uni work..
Am home. Feeling run over, mentally and physically. There is very little Comfortable to be had.

S is here, which is nice. Snuggles on demand.
Went to Sint-Niklaas in Belgium today as that was the place that could see me earliest. Not only see me, operate me as well: I am going in on nov 5, surgery on the 6th, and out on wednesday the 7th. Yay!



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