arwen_lune

Oh god, 3 more weeks of darkness even earlier. I'm having such a hard time with it already! However, tonight, since I have nothing better to do, I will get the big box of winter decorations down, and string up lights all over the shop. Which I will probably leave until at least March, if previous years are anything to go by. But hey, it cheers me up.

In other news, I have caught a new cold.. while the previous one wasn't even fully gone yet. *sulk*

What's really not fun: when you back aches so that only a really hot hot water bottle will relieve the pain a little, and it's 30 degrees outside and inside the house.

I'm waiting for the shop downstairs to heat up enough that I get warm as well. I've recently discovered that my heating wasn't coming on at all and it was still 24-25 degrees; seems that's a freebie from downstairs. I'm grateful, as it's a much more even heat as when my own heating comes on. And 24-25 is a perfect temp if I'm spending most of the day sitting still working.
Does mean that I'm currently in my 'define interesting' hoodie sweatshirt, with a HWB in my back, and STILL feeling cold in a 20c room. Does that seem right to you?

Had trouble getting up, didn't get as much done as I should have, raging screaming back pain - urgh.

I had a cold for pretty much all of february. It only left about 10 days ago.

The new cold in town has just moved into my head. It must be a very desirable place with prime view of the countryside and no neural traffic to disturb the discerning cold.

Today it's exactly a year ago that I had surgery on my back. Happy birthday, hernia.

I'm trying to get my section of this report done before I leave, and...

Well, my brane is mush. I need to write a branche profile of the mobile communications devices branche. I just can't really remember how to do it (and this is BASIC stuff for my study). This is so frustrating, it's like that part of my working memory is buried under a layer of treacle..

I have come to the conclusion that I am now well enough to be frustrated and depressed about not feeling better. Up until now, I was just glad to be able to do things at all - go to the gym, study a little bit, sit on my horse.

Apparently right now is the stage where I get frustrated about not being able to do those things as well as a year ago. I feel like I am not making progress. My attention span is still shit. Studying is very, very hard. If I go to the dentist in the morning and the physio in the afternoon, that's a full day. While I was in London I was tired almost constantly, and cranky because of it. I rode Rowan today and felt like he was a different horse, like we had no connection. A couple of times I was afraid to fall - and I have never ever been afraid on Rowan before.

I'm lucky that I have a good and involved physio who helps me understand what's going on in a reval process - mostly that hey, you know - it isn't over.

All this time I've seen the surgery as the end of the hernia story - well okay, I knew I'd have a couple of weeks.. months.. building to where I was before. Now it turns out that the surgery was just the start of the second half, and that frustrates me because damnit, that whole 'having your life back' thing was supposed to have happened by now.

The good news is that the physio says it'll happen. I just need to count on another 6 to 8 months..

Am home. Feeling run over, mentally and physically. There is very little Comfortable to be had.

S is here, which is nice. Snuggles on demand.