Revalidation
Mar. 9th, 2008 10:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
arwen_luneI have come to the conclusion that I am now well enough to be frustrated and depressed about not feeling better. Up until now, I was just glad to be able to do things at all - go to the gym, study a little bit, sit on my horse.
Apparently right now is the stage where I get frustrated about not being able to do those things as well as a year ago. I feel like I am not making progress. My attention span is still shit. Studying is very, very hard. If I go to the dentist in the morning and the physio in the afternoon, that's a full day. While I was in London I was tired almost constantly, and cranky because of it. I rode Rowan today and felt like he was a different horse, like we had no connection. A couple of times I was afraid to fall - and I have never ever been afraid on Rowan before.
I'm lucky that I have a good and involved physio who helps me understand what's going on in a reval process - mostly that hey, you know - it isn't over.
All this time I've seen the surgery as the end of the hernia story - well okay, I knew I'd have a couple of weeks.. months.. building to where I was before. Now it turns out that the surgery was just the start of the second half, and that frustrates me because damnit, that whole 'having your life back' thing was supposed to have happened by now.
The good news is that the physio says it'll happen. I just need to count on another 6 to 8 months..
Apparently right now is the stage where I get frustrated about not being able to do those things as well as a year ago. I feel like I am not making progress. My attention span is still shit. Studying is very, very hard. If I go to the dentist in the morning and the physio in the afternoon, that's a full day. While I was in London I was tired almost constantly, and cranky because of it. I rode Rowan today and felt like he was a different horse, like we had no connection. A couple of times I was afraid to fall - and I have never ever been afraid on Rowan before.
I'm lucky that I have a good and involved physio who helps me understand what's going on in a reval process - mostly that hey, you know - it isn't over.
All this time I've seen the surgery as the end of the hernia story - well okay, I knew I'd have a couple of weeks.. months.. building to where I was before. Now it turns out that the surgery was just the start of the second half, and that frustrates me because damnit, that whole 'having your life back' thing was supposed to have happened by now.
The good news is that the physio says it'll happen. I just need to count on another 6 to 8 months..
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(no subject)
Date: 2008-03-09 10:02 pm (UTC)I keep doing that myself. "I only have to do x, then I'll feel better". At the moment I'm really looking forward to a certain appointment with a geneticist, to see whether maybe I just got handed shitty genes.
What I half-realized by now is that if I put my life on hold until such events, every damn time, I miss out. So the approach I'm trying to apply now....is something I fail to put into words right now *headdesk* Sorry :(
Something about working with what I got and doing stuff differently. Less planning, more doing, sort-of.
But yeah, there's always something that needs to be done, and we never run out of work, eh?
Nevermind me, my brain's a bit fuzzy/sleepy, so I probably don't make a lot of sense. *hugs* Your physio's probably right, it'll happen :)
Oops
Date: 2008-03-09 10:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-03-09 10:03 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-03-09 11:00 pm (UTC)From experience, I can tell you that even for a person for whom it's never going to get better, it's possible to find pockets of acceptance. I also know that it doesn't make it any easier to deal with the feeling crappy now, so *hugs* for now and best wishes with the continued improvement. I'm looking forward to seeing how you're doing a year from now.